We wern’t surprised, once the aliens arrived, that they’d picked up our television signals. We’d been blasting the stuff into space for ages, after all, like an interplanetary “HEY LOOK AT US” signal. What did surprise us was - due to the way things worked back home for them - the fact that they’d interpreted commercials as snippets of scripture for the attention-deprived.
“We never fail to be intrigued by the colorful laws of the human pantheon. Take for example, the great lord Ore-Ida, who not only dictates when one can safely consume pizza–”
“Come again?” sputtered the overwhelmed ambassador.
“–but also the manner in which one can use a bagel to escape the sin of an unscheduled pizza!”
Their voices rose in an eerie harmony:
“Pizza in the morning /
pizza in the evening /
pizza at suppertime /
When pizza’s on a bagel, /
you can eat pizza anytime.”