Wed 8 Nov 2017
2:36 PM

A few more allied races for World of Warcraft

at last, trolls sans scoliosis

One of the more hyped-up portions of Blizzard’s announcement of World of Warcraft: Battle for Azeroth were the Allied Races - groups of folks we’ve already crossed paths with during World of Warcraft, or ones we’ll see in the future, who can be convinced to join a faction via a quest chain of some kind and then are available for players to play. Most are variants or subraces of existing player races - Highmountain tauren, void elves, Dark Iron dwarves - but why stop there? The history of World of Warcraft is filled with races we didn’t kill befriended, and then left behind or who otherwise never became story-relevant. Now’s a good opportunity to rectify some of that by adding…

Hozen (Horde) and Jinyu (Alliance)

ookin' dookers and watery wikkets

We went to a lot of trouble to make friends when our characters landed in the Jade Forest. The Horde befriended the crude, brew-loving, dook-flinging forest hozen, while the Alliance, erm, allied with the mystical, peaceful, and blubbery-sounding pearlfin jinyu. Characters of both races continued to appear throughout Mists of Pandaria, and then we just… left. Friendships forgotten. Seems like, if we’re looking for allies, it’d be a great time to reach out to friends we already recruited for the last time we had a meaningless faction war, yeah?

Ethereals (both)

racial ability: spellsteal

Both? Why not. The ethereals go where there is profit to be made, and what is more profitable than the machinery of war? Furthermore, the ethereals already have good working relationships with both factions, so they’re easy to get ahold of. Maybe the standard’ ethereals don’t feel like signing on for a standard war effort? Good thing we already have two readymade groups who could easily be aligned with either faction: the Ethereum, who want to avenge the destruction of their homeworld by any means necessary, even turning to the void themselves, and the Protectorate, who strictly oppose the void - and the Ethereum.

Ogres (Horde)

ogres!

Okay, sure, ogres - at least, the Stonemaul and, more recently, the Dunemaul - are already technically part of the Horde. But they’ve never been playable! It’d be nice to have a large, burly race that doesn’t have absurd helmet model deformation issues. Also, you could have the two-headed variety for casters! That could be cool.

Downside: Blizzard would finally have to model a female ogre. Or rather - model more than the center portion of their face. Something they’ve not managed to do in 13 years. How is there not a single female ogre, Blizzard, for heaven’s sake?

Tuskarr (Alliance? Both? idk)

look at his mighty steed!!

Again, same problem, I’m not sure Blizzard has depicted any female tuskarr at all, and this is just a recurring problem, so we’re going to sidestep it. The tuskarr are really cool! They’d also be another race that doesn’t fall into the dichotomy of giant and muscle-y” or willowy and thin”; the tuskarr would be the game’s second chubby race. More than chubby! Furthermore, the whole myth that they can’t survive outside of the arctic climate of Northrend has been busted by Trawler Yotimo - he seems pretty alive.

On top of that, Blizz has already teased us with this once upon a time… on April Fool’s Day in 2010, everyone on the Armory was, briefly, a Tuskarr.

not my warlock.

Arakkoa (High Arakkoa for the Alliance, Arakkoa Outcasts for the Horde)

bird noises

BIRD PEOPLE, BLIZZARD

LET ME BE A DANG BIRD PERSON ALREADY